I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
