Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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