And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
