New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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