just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
