If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
