I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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