Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
