You really coming over, don't trick.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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