Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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