Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
