I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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