Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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