New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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