i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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