wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
