my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
