i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
