There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
