problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
its not stalking. its research.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he thought i was a dude.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Randomize
