My balls are so social today.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think your dad took our porno
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
