yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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