Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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