I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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