On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
last night I used snow as a chaser
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
