so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
