Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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