You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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