she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
