I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You made out with two different species that night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
