So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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