you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
