I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize