She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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