Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
