i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
