Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
