none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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