i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
