U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
