I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
