I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
