There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
