I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
