I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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