They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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