watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
