We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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