I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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