you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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