Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
