every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
