I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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