I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
