When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
