I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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