Barsexuality is the new black.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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