i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
