This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
