we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
