youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
